A week of emotional downward spiral has suddenly stopped. I am still down as we face the daunting task of turning everything around us positive but together, I believe we can. I can’t express to you how I feel. I still pinch myself in disbelief that I have a second chance and I promise to not lose it and complete what I had set out to do. My world closed in and I curled up like a armadillo, a little ball. Often when I am in that state, its pretty hard for me to come out. The last time I was hurting this bad, I didn’t talk to anyone for…

We have been chatting this weekend, feels like our past but I sense you have moved on. Its tough on me as I’m missing you terribly. You don’t know do how much Im hating myself for this whole situation. I have been struggling to save the business and having you at my side means so much. You give me the confidence and belief that we can pull through. But on that focus, and trying to be everything to everyone, I leave u behind and take you for granted. I don’t think you’ll come to this site, but I pen my feelings here, don’t want to overburden you in our daily…

I cannot express how sad I am, despite giving my all and everything that I have and could give at this juncture, it wasn’t enough. Time is not on my side and there is just so many things on my plate at the moment. The struggles seems insurmountable and I cry to bed every night. You ask me to understand how you feel and I do, I see the struggle that you have to go through with the present situation. Now I ask you to see too, the struggle that I have to go through. Im sad that we can’t be with each other, to help each other through this…

How apt this photo is now as i see myself taking solo steps into a future that I thought we will be taking. Sadness and a total sense of loss engulf me this weekend. To make things worse, death still follows me with another friend dying of cancer this morning. I really dont know how much of death and disappointment i can take. We spoke recently about feeling of helplessness and despair, am so feeling it now. I have been doing my best, given my all, dedicated all that i have and time around you but it seems it isnt enough. I’ve read your last message a thousand times, occasionally…

What is a key? One that unlocks a door, a safe or grants passage to new places and adventures? It has been a year now but only now that i truly feel i can accept and fully embrace what the key means and symbolises. Love you so much and look forward to using the key open and to enter our home, enter the home together. The key will definitely unlock many adventures and experiences that would cross our lives. Be it small or big experiences, I treasure the every moment we have together, it means so much to me and the moments that we have together will define us and…

As i wind down 2020, i can help by look back at a truly amazing year. Its been challenging for everyone and we both have been in the thick of many experiences. Am so glad that we had each other to talk to and lean upon. We have grown so much over the past 12 months, built up a huge treasure trove of emotions and moments which will alway be part of me and us. So appreciative of the time we have had together and more so being able to work and create a new life and future together. We joke that the honeymoon is over but i know it…

Coming through a tough weekend. Missing you terribly. My heart is heavy and I am filled with emptiness. Didn’t speak much all weekend. With a heavy heart I agreed to disappear, its not something i want to do but i know its been troubling you, the constant need to hide and sneak around. I will sort my end and hopefully you’ll still be there. I long to see you again, hold you and have you at my side.  Love you so so much. TOY